I watched the love of my life wither away slowly
It started with the shudders
As she slept
She jerked in her sleep
Her eyes flew open
And she looked at me
Like she didn’t know who I was
Didn’t want me to hold her
But she did
She told me she did
I watched her go tip toe into tip toe
At an edge
Where she couldn’t look down.
The scabs on her wrists became cuts
That needed bandaids
And no form of happy messages
On those wrists
On post it notes
Could seep through her skin
Touch her soul
Touch any part of her
I’m dying
She said
But she was all of 20
Vibrant and beautiful
Shopping for the most colorful
Of kurtas and shawls and slippers
Earrings that jingled when she walked
Teamed with anklets
Spiked fashion for all her piercings
Hair colors
Shirts checked and plain
Everything that made her what she was to me when I saw her physical form
Laughing she talked about death
Often
More often than I wanted to listen
But I listened and I held her
And I told her I’d come with her
And I meant it
When sometimes she locked herself
She refused to let me in
When finally after
Three hours the door opened
and I wished she cried
I wished her face was tear streaked
Instead of empty
I held her
And watched her slip into her own world
Somewhere she thought better of herself
Or worse
I’m not sure.
But everytime I tried to follow
The love of her life, I couldn’t
The withering away was such,
The palaash, a flame in the forest
Chek stations for everyone walking by
Withering away to create a carpet
For those taking the turn
Constantly giving
And living.
And breathing everyday as though
It’s sole purpose in life was,
To wither away
