Pati Pati aur Patriarchy is a peer support group for anyone navigating the idea of marriage and long-term partnership in today’s India. The group is open to those thinking about marriage, engaged, or married. It’s a space to pause and reflect on how our personal values, relationships, and everyday choices collide with cultural expectations and patriarchal norms.

The focus of our group is on slowing down, sharing lived experiences, and making space for ambiguity, personal values, and context within the Indian socio-cultural framework. The group is not about fixing relationships or teaching techniques or drawing conclusions on the “right” way to make sense of marriages in today’s India.

Please Note: While the name draws on a familiar cultural phrase, the space is open to everyone, regardless of gender, sexuality, or relationship stage.

This group grew out of conversations I kept having in both my personal and professional life, where some version “i am confident in my life partner, but i’m not ready for this” came up again and again. “This” usually referred to the institution of marriage, especially the patriarchal nature of it. The expectations, the roles, the silent rules, the families, the compromises that were assumed rather than discussed. The parts of marriage that no one names, but everyone is expected to adjust to. While relationships are changing, many of the old expectations, gender roles, and power dynamics remain quietly in place. A lot of people find themselves confused, conflicted, or carrying doubts they don’t feel safe voicing. Pati Patni aur Patriarchy was created as a shared, reflective space where these questions can be spoken aloud. We hope for it to be a space where people can feel less alone while navigating marriage in today’s India without judgment, fixing, or pressure.

Bhavya Sekhri is a mental health professional based in India, trained in working with individuals and relationships through a culturally sensitive and reflective lens. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology and sociology and a master’s degree in counselling. She is trained in evidence-based therapeutic approaches, with a strong interest in relational dynamics, family systems, and the social contexts that shape mental health.

This group is informed by conversations she has encountered in both her personal and professional life, around marriage, gender roles, and the often unspoken pressures that come with them.

The group was founded in 2026, growing out of real, ongoing conversations about how marriage feels and functions in today’s India. My intention is for this group to grow slowly and intentionally. I hope it continues to be a space where people feel safe to bring questions, contradictions, and uncertainty around marriage and relationships. Most importantly, I want this space to continue offering relief and connection to people who feel alone in their questioning.

This support group is for anyone who finds themselves thinking about marriage in today’s India – whether you’re considering it, engaged, newly married, or have been married for a while and finding yourself with questions you didn’t quite expect. Maybe your values feel modern, but the expectations around you don’t. Maybe you want equality, but keep bumping into roles that feel quietly pre-decided. Maybe you’re clear about your partner, but unsure about what marriage as an institution asks of you. This group is open to everyone who wants a space where these uncertainties can be spoken out loud without being judged, corrected, or rushed toward solutions. It’s not about fixing your relationship or learning techniques but about slowing down, listening, and making sense of how your own personal values meet cultural conditioning in today’s India.

The support group meets live once a month in an online group session on Google Meet. The date and time of each meeting are decided collaboratively with participants to ensure accessibility and shared ownership of the space. Between meetings, a WhatsApp community remains active for ongoing connection through conversation starters, shared reflections, and curated resources such as posts, articles, or readings that support continued engagement and thought.

Our approach is grounded in community, reflection, and shared human experiences. The group hopes to create a space where people can speak honestly, be listened to, and feel less alone in what they’re carrying. People often gain awareness, emotional relief, and clarity about their own experiences through shared stories, mutual presence, and respectful dialogue. This group is not a substitute for therapy, but it can support mental wellbeing by reducing isolation, normalising complex feelings, and offering a sense of belonging while navigating marriage in today’s India.

We are cognisant that this support group is dealing with a sensitive issue, and there may be triggers. In such a case, we request the participants to see a therapist, and they are given the option for referrals and resources such as helpline numbers to address anything that may surface during meet ups and may need attention. They shall also receive assistance from a crisis-interventionist of Sneh Therapy and access to the facilitator outside the sessions, if needed.

This group is not meant to replace therapy or professional mental health care. It may not be the right space for situations that need immediate support, crisis intervention, or one-to-one clinical care. If someone is dealing with intense distress, safety concerns, or experiences that feel overwhelming to hold in a group, we would gently encourage seeking additional support alongside this space. The group is meant to be a reflective, peer-based space, and some experiences may require more specialised, one-to-one support than this format can offer.

To join, interested participants fill out a short sign-up form. Once registered, they’re added to the WhatsApp community, which is the main space for ongoing connection and coordination. Dates and timings for the monthly live session are decided collectively through polls so that it works for most people. The group is ongoing, and participants are free to join or leave based on what feels right for them.

Each live session is held online and is designed to feel conversational and grounded rather than structured or instructional. We usually begin by settling into the space and checking in with how people are feeling. From there, the conversation unfolds based on what’s coming up for the group. There’s no pressure to speak and no expectation to arrive with something prepared. The session closes with a gentle wrap-up, allowing people to leave feeling connected and held.

We prioritise respect, confidentiality, and non-judgment. Everything that’s shared in the group stays within the group – live meetings and the WhatsApp group chat. Listening is valued as much as speaking. Everyone is encouraged to speak from their own experience rather than giving advice. Differences in identity, relationship styles, and perspectives are welcomed, and no one is pressured to participate beyond what feels comfortable. Above all, the group aims to be a space of care, curiosity, and mutual presence.

We hope participants leave feeling a little less alone in what they’re carrying after a session. Maybe with a sense of relief, or the comfort of having been heard without being judged or rushed. Perhaps with a new perspective, a question to sit with, or simply the reassurance that their confusion or ambivalence makes sense. More than clarity or answers, the hope is that people leave feeling more connected – to themselves, to others, and to the fact that they don’t have to figure all of this out in isolation.