Wither away slowly

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Trigger Warning:
Mentions of self-harm & death.

I watched the love of my life wither away slowly

It started with the shudders

As she slept

She jerked in her sleep

Her eyes flew open

And she looked at me

Like she didn’t know who I was

Didn’t want me to hold her

But she did

She told me she did

I watched her go tip toe into tip toe

At an edge

Where she couldn’t look down.

The scabs on her wrists became cuts

That needed bandaids

And no form of happy messages

On those wrists

On post it notes

Could seep through her skin

Touch her soul

Touch any part of her

I’m dying

She said

But she was all of 20

Vibrant and beautiful

Shopping for the most colorful

Of kurtas and shawls and slippers

Earrings that jingled when she walked

Teamed with anklets

Spiked fashion for all her piercings

Hair colors

Shirts checked and plain

Everything that made her what she was to me when I saw her physical form

Laughing she talked about death

Often

More often than I wanted to listen

But I listened and I held her

And I told her I’d come with her

And I meant it

When sometimes she locked herself

She refused to let me in

When finally after

Three hours the door opened

and I wished she cried

I wished her face was tear streaked

Instead of empty

I held her

And watched her slip into her own world

Somewhere she thought better of herself

Or worse

I’m not sure.

But everytime I tried to follow

The love of her life, I couldn’t

The withering away was such,

The palaash, a flame in the forest

Chek stations for everyone walking by

Withering away to create a carpet

For those taking the turn

Constantly giving

And living.

And breathing everyday as though

It’s sole purpose in life was,

To wither away

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