I watched the love of my life wither away slowly 

It started with the shudders 

As she slept 

She jerked in her sleep 

Her eyes flew open 

And she looked at me 

Like she didn’t know who I was 

Didn’t want me to hold her 

But she did 

She told me she did 

I watched her go tip toe into tip toe 

At an edge 

Where she couldn’t look down. 

The scabs on her wrists became cuts 

That needed bandaids 

And no form of happy messages 

On those wrists 

On post it notes 

Could seep through her skin

Touch her soul 

Touch any part of her 

I’m dying

She said 

But she was all of 20

Vibrant and beautiful 

Shopping for the most colorful

Of kurtas and shawls and slippers 

Earrings that jingled when she walked

Teamed with anklets 

Spiked fashion for all her piercings 

Hair colors 

Shirts  checked and plain 

Everything that made her what she was to me when I saw her physical form 

Laughing she talked about death 

Often 

More often than I wanted to listen 

But I listened and I held her 

And I told her I’d come with her 

And I meant it

When sometimes she locked herself 

She refused to let me in 

When finally after 

Three hours the door opened 

and I wished she cried 

I wished her face was tear streaked 

Instead of empty 

I held her 

And watched her slip into her own world 

Somewhere she thought better of herself 

Or worse 

I’m not sure. 

But everytime I tried to follow

The love of her life,  I couldn’t 

The withering away was such, 

The palaash,  a flame in the forest 

Chek stations for everyone walking by 

Withering away to create a carpet 

For those taking the  turn 

Constantly giving 

And living.  

And breathing everyday as though 

It’s sole purpose in life was,  

To wither away

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